You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
