I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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