If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
