I wannas sexs uuuuu
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
