I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
