Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
