i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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