I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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