Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
