Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
