what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
