I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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