ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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