There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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