So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
