Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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