Yo dont text me then not text me
I just saw a hot homeless man
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
