i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
