We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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