youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
