So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
