mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
