:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
