I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
