Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
