stop calling my apartment porn island.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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