I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
