i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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