After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You are a genius and a whore.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
