Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
