What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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