she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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