Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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