If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
