We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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