you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
