Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
