WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Randomize
