and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
