I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
