Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
