I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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