I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
