five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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