Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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