All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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