I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
