I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
