It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
