She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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