We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
