I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
